Dear Next Boyfriend,

**For Tim and Erin- this is the post I've been putting off for weeks, as flikr, for whatever reason, wouldn't upload my Man Nighty Photo- which, I am sure you'll agree, was essential to this posting. I hope you'll eventually forgive me.**

Dear Next Boyfriend,

A few important "Dos and Donts" came to mind recently. I'd like to summarize them here:

Don't- Wear Man Nighties
Do I really need to explain this one?





Do- Be a Non Smoker- or at the very least, be trying to quit. Because then, perhaps, I could be persuaded to enjoy the after-sex cigarette, and only smoke 5 times a day instead of my previous pack-a-day habit.






Don't- Inappropriately Name My Genitalia
Do you really think asking me if you can "eat my kitten' is going to get the job done?






Do-Embrace my fictional 17-year-old adopted son, Tyler. He can be quite a handful, but I try to look past the D.U.I.'s, his meth/red bull addiction, and his two illegitimate children (**pending paternity tests- let's keep our finger's crossed!).





Love,
Tori

p.s.- I am beginning to worry about my ever expanding gaggle of fictional men. I also named the "boyfriend" pillow I bought for Bryan "Edwardo"- and promptly stole him from Bryan. If I acquire a fictional dog, step father, parole officer, or pimp, will someone please host an intervention? Because I don't think I can stop this train once it gets a-movin'....