Dear Next Boyfriend

DNB,

I have been having heavily decorated, extended play, make out session dreams, usually involving me and a sort of stranger (slightly known) or sometimes Bill Paxton and occasionally, Nathan Fillion. I have also found myself sniffing members of the opposite sex in what I can only assume is some form of premordial, ape-ancestor related foreplay.

This shit is nearing critical mass, and I am forced, once again, to comment on your tardiness.

YOU'RE LATE.

Love,
Tori